The Gift That Keeps on Giving

I have a wonderful masseuse. She is a young lady from India. She is a single mother of two, a 17 year old daughter and a 20 year old son. She is a highly qualified and conscientious massage therapist. Which comes in handy for me as I have a variety of painful musculo-skeletal issues.

The other day she was working on my knotted and sore muscles and she started to make her recommendations. This has happened to me before. I find a masseuse, usually on the recommendation of a friend or family member. On the first visit we discuss my herniated discs and my arthritic spine. They commiserate and do their best to relieve the tension in the tight muscles. By the second visit they start to offer a few tips here and there. By the third visit the pressure is on.

I had a holistic massage therapist one a few years ago that talked me into sending off samples of my pubic hair to be tested. Which, the scientist in me knew it was a rip off but I honestly liked this woman and I didn't want to hurt her feelings or make it seem like I wasn't trying to make myself better. I researched the FDA info on the lab where the samples were sent and found out they were really not legally allowed to run analyses on hair samples in an attempt to identify or make recommendations about medical problems (something about a federal lawsuit several years ago where this particular lab got busted for ripping people off with their hair mineral analyses). What I got back from this lab was an astonishing amount of paper work. The analysis they gave me read verbatim what I had answered on their questionnaire which I returned with my sample.

For example, on the questionnaire it asked if I drank alcohol, I said yes. I said beer. The hair analysis showed, among other things, that I had extremely high aluminum levels in my blood from - you guessed it, drinking beer out of aluminum cans. Only the joke was on them cause I only drink beer from glass bottles.

Of course the lab had hundreds of dollars of supplements (formulated and packaged by them) to sell me to clear up all my mineral and chemical imbalances.

No. I did not purchase any of them. I do draw the line at some things. And I was glad I sent them my pubic hair, it almost seemed sort of fitting.

So this new masseuse. A heart of gold. Very concerned about her clients, very well intentioned. But after a few visits I figured it was time for the pressure to be applied. Here was her tactic. She explained to me during my massage this past week that "research has proven that the leading cause of death in the US is not heart disease and cancer, it is the drugs used to treat heart disease and cancer." As my mind started running for a place to hide I believe I heard her say something about it was the antibiotics used to treat those diseases that was killing everyone. She went on to say it is so sad that "...doctors don't care about curing diseases, they only care about making money."

Then I had to listen to her describe her wonderful homeopathic doctor that can cure all her illnesses with one drop of a special herbal mixture. It doesn't cost much, only $113 per visit. And the really good news is her homeopathic doctor does happen to travel to our city every Thursday so I can get an appointment with her easily.

I need to go Google and find out if homeopathy is a "real" medical degree of some sort.

I want to believe that western medicine is where the largest amount of research is being done and as such they have probably looked at a lot of different things for treatment of illnesses, including herbs and vitamins and minerals. I want to trust that medical professionals want to cure diseases because they and their families also get diseases...so why wouldn't they want to find cures? I also believe that part of the reason more people die of things like cancer and heart disease now is because, thanks to modern medicine, we are living longer than we did hundreds of years ago. We live long enough to not only get aging illnesses but to also pass our disease-prone genes along to our offspring. Its the gift that keeps on giving.

My masseuse hasn't suggested I see her chiropractor yet, but she will. I know its coming. Maybe on the next visit. Even if I say I already have one I know hers will be better.

All I wanted was a nice, soothing massage to help my tired, sore muscles relax.